A Full Catechism of the Catholic Religion; Preceded by a Short History of Revealed Religion, from the Creation to the Present Time, 6th American edition, with questions for examination, by Rev. Joseph Deharbe, S.J., translated by Rev. John Fander, revised, enlarged, and edited by the Right Rev. P.N. Lynch, D.D. (New York: Catholic Publication Society, 1889). With Imprimatur. Available in various formats at Internet Archive. The 11th American edition (1889) is available at Internet Archive.
I tried to tear your hands away from my body but you were too strong.
I was stuck, I could’t move, I could’t get up. You had me in a very
firm and painful grip. I had no way of escaping what you were about to
do. My only chance was to beg you not to do it. I looked into your eyes
and I begged you to stop, I said no, please don’t do it, I don’t want
to. And in the very second I had said those words you put your cold left
hand firmly over my mouth to keep me quiet. Very hard. And in the same
second you had put your left hand over my mouth, you took your right
hand and you did exactly what I feared you would do. You didn’t even
hesitate. It was so rough and so painful. I was so chocked. I tried to
scream because of the sudden pain but you held your hand so firmly over
my mouth that not a sound was heard. Utter powerlessness. Trapped.
Humiliated. Broken. Shattered.
This was the first time you broke my sense of security, that you
shattered my faith in humanity. But you didn’t stop there. You did much
more, and again.
I wish I could just shut you out of my mind. You left my body in so
much pain, bruised and battered but I can forgive everything, and I
already have, a year ago. But those very seconds were I had no way of
escaping and my only chance was to beg you not to do it… Thatpowerlessness still haunts me daily. It haunts me in every nightmare. That was what broke me. That is the reason for my fear, anxiety, sadness and powerlessness today. That is what I am working on over coming.
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